Fear of Change
“Many People are afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they’ve experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of it, and that unknown can be terrifying”.
I’ve been in a conversation recently with an acquaintance about this idea. She insists that the reason for her greatness is because of the situations that have given her cause to suffer. My question to her has been, what if the suffering has offered all the fuel it has, the tank is on empty and now it’s time to take that greatness to another level?
It just seems to me that the best fuel for more “greatness”, as she calls it, is the equity of greatness she has created.
We only have a certain idea of what happiness is, but when we get there, and from there, the view is amazing!
The unknown can be terrifying, but it’s less frightening to deal with when the triggers of past hurts are relieved. And as some become less others sometimes crawl in to support them, because it would be terrible to let all those years of perfecting that feeling go to waste. (Sheesh!)
They take me by surprise, show up in strange ways and sometimes feel justified and comfortable. My indicator that they no longer serve me is that they cause separation. I can tell when I’m not connected to my own source, and to those around me. Then again, looking for the reason with the cause is exhausting too!
Then there’s the “protecting and projecting” part of the process.
I must admit that I’ve perfected my own little dance of pain in the moments when I feel the fight or flight response happening. Unfortunately, it’s started to work against me.
So now, today, I am personally looking at my own previous imbalances & maladjustments to find a better center in myself, and not only for me, but for those I love and who love me.
I want to operate more from a point of expanding what I know is greatness within me and having that be the new starting point instead of using rubbish to fuel my new ideas.
Healing is tricky, and it sometimes feels unsafe.
Here are some of my reasons for holding on too tightly to trauma:
What if they know I’m not perfect, that I’m like the other wounded humans?
What if I’m the only one who feels like this?
What if they see it how I see it and find me unworthy?
What if my value is lessened by this weakness?
What if I get hurt?
When I can see these questions for what they are, just old misunderstandings that were formed with an unmanicured paradigm, I can tell that they carry some weight in areas where I’ve had some growth. However, they still have an activation point in the details of other paradigms, and deserve to be seen, processed, and used as tools for expansion rather than retraction.
I’m more open to allowing DYP processes to see into the deeper me. I’m more interested in finding a way out than in to these old ideas and triggers. This is the greatest part of my life for so many reasons. And while DYP was born of a refusal to feel like shit, I sometimes think I resonate with that idea as a sort of base feeling in new campaigns of awareness of what it means to be human.
And I AM Human- for now anyway!